August 12, 2009

Today is the "glorious" twelfth. Except it's not - outside swirls thick rain, cast down from angry black skies that have no place in any summer, even a British one.

As ever, the Met Office got it wrong.

The barbecue summer - their words - "forecast" for July was lost in gales, high winds, torrential rain and in one case, snow.

Oops, they said. Our predictions were slightly out of kilter. It'll be in August instead.

Well, so far, so absolutely incorrect.

But no worries for the staff at the Met Office (owned by and the salaries paid by the British taxpayer) - 1,700 of them are still getting £650 each in "forecast accuracy" bonuses.

I kid you not.

I did a bit of a Google search about the Met Office to find out how else these people earn their bonuses. Their explanation is in italics, mine in bold.

We operate a contribution-based reward system, your ability to earn extra money is tied to your contribution. You can earn extra money in the following ways.

Corporate bonus for overall corporate performance As it's a civil and not corporate entity, this is just plain bollocks. It means "we clearly have money to burn while the nation sinks".

Team bonus for working together effectively as a team for the benefit of customers Yet the customers are staring at the rainclouds wondering where the promised sun is. We don't blame the sun for not being there - but we do wonder effective the team work is at the Met Office if it consistently gets it wrong.

Personal bonus for your achievements against work objectives during the performance year and/or the manner in which you have gone about them (your behaviour). Turn up every day like everyone else in the real world has to do - but get paid extra for bothering. And still get the forecasts wrong.

Vouchers for your one-off exceptional pieces of work at any time during the year Michael Fish presumably got a bumper pay-out in 1987 when he pooh-poohed a housewife's question about a hurricane that then ripped apart half of Kent and obliterated Kew Gardens.

Seriously, anyone would think the civil service is there to yank our pants down and laugh rather than meekly get on with the task they're paid to do.

While many companies force pay freezes, pay cuts and extra "free" holidays on their staff, while laying others off and thus doubling the corporate man or woman's workload, in the civil service it's business as usual with extra on top. And would you like a gold-plated pension with that too?

Met Office bonuses?

Really - what on earth for?