October 29, 2008
We interrupt the nationwide fury over absolutely nothing (see post below this one) to bring you the news that it is slightly colder outside than it was yesterday (copyright: all UK broadcasters).
This has meant that rain has turned into sleet in some places, and even snow in yet a few more, although not at all in most parts of the country, where it remains just an unfashionably plain "chilly", although they don't matter, as they're not in London.
This new Ice Age, already being dubbed "wintry weather" by (always) pink-nosed Scottish weather presenters across the length and breadth of the BBC's weather "centre", is likely to last until around March, when the days will get a bit brighter again and we can once more look forward to a shite summer, preceded by two weeks of glorious late-April/early May sunshine that will be dubbed by newspaper editors everywhere as "a scorcher" and lead to an inexplicable number of bikini-clad girls flocking to Brighton for the afternoon (while the photographers are there).
And now back to Dermot, reporting live from the Gates of Hell where Russell Brand and Jonathon Ross are said to be lying prostrate before The Devil himself. Dermot?
eggbod
"Zedz
Golam and his evil one have absconded from the Gates of Hell. Apparently Davina MacCall lay in wait for an exclusive interview but the likely lads had been tipped off by George Osbourne. Apparently George has them holed up on a yacht just off Corfu. George was overheard expressing relief that he had been let off Captain's hook (for now).
Back to you Zedz?
Stop Press: An important London Sainsbury's was blighted by wintery stuff which was much more important and indeed much colder than the rest of the country.