August 10, 2008

[Crackly mobile phone call from what sounds like Siberia on a bad day]

"Hi... mate," says RL.

"Hi," I say. "How's it going? I've fed the cat. Managed to somehow spill Kit-e-Kat all down my front, mind, but it's fed nonetheless."

"Sound. We're in the middle of nowhere. About an hour away from [crackle... crackle... possibly Gdansk]"

"Right. How's the place you're staying?"

"That's why I'm ringing. We've come into [Moscow] for a look around. There is no mobile phone signal whatsoever at [the Gulag].

"Bummer. Or is it?"

"Well, yeah. And there's no fucking internet access either."

"Serious bummer."

"Well, yeah, seeing as I paid twelve quid for it."

"Eh?"

"Exactly. Not only can't we connect, there's no sign of a Wifi signal either."

"Weird."

"I know. So I go back to the reception thing and they say: 'Oh, no, it doesn't work.'"

"What???"

"I said: 'It doesn't work? Why are you selling £12 vouchers then?' They say: 'It works down this end. Just not up your end.'"

[I'm not laughing]

RL: "So I said: 'So my end doesn't work?' He said: 'No.' I said: 'But you still sold me this?' He said: 'Well, you asked for it.'"

[I'm not laughing even more.]

RL: "So I said: 'Will it ever work?' He said: 'Yeah - we're getting boosters in.' 'Oh right,' I said. 'When? Today?' And he said: 'Oh, no. In a month of something.'"

They haven't been there a day yet.