July 4, 2008

Memo to Daily Mail editor: When using headlines like "MIND BLOWING INCOMPETENCE" about Government officials losing laptops containing sensitive material, be prepared to eat bucketloads of shit when one of your colleagues loses one of your own company's laptops containing the names, addresses, bank account numbers and indeed sort codes of thousands of current and former staff.

I just hope to God it's found by a jobless asylum seeker you hold to blame for a slump in house prices in Puddleduck-By-The-Wear.

July 4, 2008

"Im (sic) sittin (sic) on the roof terrace of centre (sic) court (sic), neckin (sic) pimms (sic) waitin (sic) 4 (sic) rafa (sic) biceps (sic) 2 (sic) playX (sic)."

"God," I thought. "I really hope no one's left their luggage unattended."

So I sent a reply: "I might organise a bomb scare."

To which she just shot back: "BOLx (sic). frankly (sic) my snooks, i (sic) dont (sic) give a rats (sic) turd."

Deuce!

July 4, 2008

Reclinate, adj
Bending backwards or downwards

"Strewth!" winced Nipper, suddenly coming over all Australian. "Doesn't that hurt?"

"Bloody kills," gasped Zeds. "But Sting swears by it."