June 10, 2008

Callipygean, adj
Having well-shaped buttocks

"Ummm, Zeds?" asked Nipper, tentatively.

"Yes?" murmured a pre-occupied Zeds, who was sat at his desk, desperately trying to finish writing 700 words about bands and gigs that he really couldn't care less about.

"I couldn't help but notice, you know, when I accidentally watched your au naturale roof terrace antics the other day, that you, well, how do I put this..."

"What?"

"Well, you know, I don't want to hurt your feelings. Maybe I shouldn't say anything. Don't want to give you a complex. Yes, just ignore me. It's nothing. Really. It's nothing."

"What!?"

"OK. Well. How to put it..? Ummm..."

"Just spit it out, for God's sake, or you're off to the vet for a H5N1 booster jab-"

"You have got no ass! You have got the ass of a five year old boy! A starved, under developed five year old boy. You are no J-Lo! You have no buns! You have no booty of which to shake! None! I've seen more meat in a Ginster's Pasty! How do you even sit down? You're all bone! You have no ass! Like a Spanish farmer who's hybrid donkey has run away! You. Have. No. Ass. Like... no ass at all..."

"Kiss it!" shrieked the no-assed one. "You feathery little shite."

"Well, I would," said Nipper, with a snigger. "If you fucking had one."