May 7, 2008

He's openly admitted kidnapping and enslaving his own daughter as his personal sex toy for 24 years, and in the process fathering seven of her children, one of whom died as an infant and was then incinerated, three more of which he stole from her and brought up with his wife - her mother - upstairs, and leaving the rest to finally emerge blinking into a never-before-seen daylight growling and crawling like feral beasts - but Josef Fritzl wishes the world to know that press coverage of his extraordinarily horrific case is "completely one-sided".

He wants credit, apparently, for getting his eldest secret daughter - who is his daughter's daughter, remember, born in a cellar five years after her mother was entombed - to a hospital when she suffered massive organ failure, the cause of which we can only speculate about at the moment, and from which she remains critically ill in an induced coma.

So, in the spirit of fairness, as a member of this ignoble profession, it falls to me to point out that not only has Herr Fritzl tapped his feet along to charts in the hit parade, he also mows a bloody good lawn.

You really - really - couldn't make it up.