April 21, 2008

Good afternoon, children.

Today's lesson is maths.

And it's something of a long equation.

maths

Yes. Remember those?

They go half way down your page, occasionally with a bizarre letter in the middle, and tended to end right about where your desk mate nudged your elbow across the paper because they couldn't work the fucking thing out, either.

(Teachers, eh? Thank God for Mr Brooooon.)

So let's see, in our maturing years, if we find it any easier now, shall we?

First, the factors:

Government money = Zero.

Government money provided by taxpayers and dodgy foreign lenders = 100%.

Banks' own actual money = Zero.

Banks' "reserves" also known rarely but properly as savers' own cash or hugely inflated mortgage/loan repayments = 100%

Potential risk to banks in current climate despite their clear reckless behaviour with a nation's bounty - Zero.

Potential risk to taxpayer of banks losing their own money - £50bn, and counting, and that's just today.

Amount of Government ministers to admit that there is just the slightest chance that after ten years in office they might, just, be responsible for some of this shite - Zero.

Amount of British citizens expected to nod sagely at rising fuel and food prices, falling house prices, smokeless pubs and paedophiles on community service - 100%.

So.

Let's add the positives (in a New Labour stylee) here:

Zero, plus, zero, plus zero, plus zero. And possibly a few more zeros... equals zero.

Which means so far, the Government and the banks are zero in the wrong.

But you're not.

You're 400% wrong.

Oh, and you owe £50bn to the Government, which lent it off you in the first place without even asking, and still expects you to pay it back for the money it lent off you without any intention of ever paying it back to you.

That is, you're in debt for a debt that isn't actually your debt but then again actually is.

Which is kind of brilliant, if it were, say, me doing it to the Abbey National, rather than Gordon Fucking Broooon and Co doing it to you, me and the legions of generations that will follow us.

Got that?

Because Brooon and his Loooons really hope that you don't.

No wonder our education system is so shit: They clearly want to keep us thick.

At least try to remember that as long as the local elections on May 1, won't you?

And in the meantime, welcome to your adult version of Britain, children.

Our motto?

You're Royally Fucked.