March 19, 2008

Just when you thought it wasn't anymore addictive.

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/digitalcontent/2008/03/facebook_gets_private_and_laun.html

March 19, 2008

Stewie: "Oh my God - did you have sex with Lois?"

"No," says Brian

"Good - 'cause her vagina is like grounddddd zeroooo. Chris made a real mess of it coming out before me... I mean, I just walked right out... swinging my cane..." *with hand actions of cane swinging*

March 19, 2008

"Cat owners appear to have a much lower risk of dying from a heart attack than their feline-spurning counterparts," reports the BBC today.

"Researchers looked at nearly 4,500 adults and found that cat ownership was related to a 40% lower risk of suffering a fatal heart attack."

I couldn't read anymore than that, sadly, because my mind was suddenly clogged with violent images of me, and a big hammer, and "researchers" - undoubtably with oh-so-important university degrees (and who adore The Smiths, natch) - lashed with rusting iron chains to stone walls with their heads smashed open like recently soft-boiled eggs set upon by hallucenogenic drug-crazed Rottweilers.

If you absolutely must, it's here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7304393.stm

March 19, 2008

An email arrives... almost inevitably from a company called "Octopus". For fuck's sake.

£24.3m marriage to Macca - 4 years
McDonald’s worker - 1771 years!

It took Heather Mills 4 years of marriage to "Macca" for her to earn £24.3m; it would take the average McDonald’s worker 1771 years to earn the same money

This week has seen the Heather Mills and Paul McCartney divorce battle end with the judge awarding £24.3 million to Ms Mills following her marriage to the Beatle star.

Based on the four-year duration of the marriage, Ms Mills was effectively ‘paid’ more than £700 for every hour that she was married to Sir Paul.

So if Heather earns £700 an hour, and was to work the average working day of 7.5 hours, she would earn £159,687.50 a month.

That's a pretty decent wage, but how does it compare to the average wage in certain other industries? Adecco compares the monthly earnings of Heather Mills with other popular job roles:

Heather Mills: £159,687.50 vs. Mechanic: £1,878.58
WINNER: Mills! It would take the mechanic over 7 years to earn as much as Mills did in a month.
Heather Mills: £159,687.50 vs. Teacher: £2,411.66
WINNER: Mills! It would take a teacher almost five and a half years to earn as Mills did in a month.
Heather Mills: £159,687.50 vs. Secretary: £1,251.50
WINNER: Mills! It would take secretary over 10.5 years to earn as much as Mills did in a month!
Heather Mills: £159,687.50 vs. Office Manager: £2,691.67
WINNER: Mills! It would take an office manager a little under 5 years to earn as much as Mills did in a month!
Heather Mills: £159,687.50 vs. Fire-fighter: £2,155.25
WINNER: Mills! It would take a fire fighter over 6 years to earn as Mills did in a month.
Heather Mills: £159,687.50 vs. Nurses: £1,920.33
WINNER: Mills! It would take a nurse just under 7 years to earn as Mills did in a month.
Heather Mills: £159,687.50 vs. Chefs and caterers: £1,143.33
WINNER: Mills! It would take a chef or caterer over 11.5 years to earn as Mills did in a month.

"Can't buy me love"

However, money isn’t everything as Adecco's recent survey of over a thousand UK employees from FTSE and non FTSE companies found.

In the survey 27% of senior managers that had considered leaving work had actively registered with a recruitment consultant, despite the fact that 60% of the same group stated they were satisfied, or very satisfied with current pay levels

Yet 6% of non-management (unskilled) workers have registered with a recruiter over the past 12 months but only 33% of this group state they are satisfied, or very satisfied with pay.

Adecco Head of Communications Louise Oliver said:

”The FTSE survey results strongly suggest that satisfactory pay levels are not a pivotal factor in employees looking for alternative employment. It is widely accepted that satisfaction in the workplace relies on many other factors other than pay, such as your relationships with colleagues and your boss, your physical environment and your opportunity for progression.

Although most people will never match Heather Mills’ bank balance, it is heartening to remember that when it comes to work the old adage is true; money doesn’t buy happiness”.

Appendix:

Divorce settlement information: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=538149&in_page_id=1770&ct=5

Average Wage statistics: http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/news/article.html?in_article_id=429176&in_page_id=2

MICHAEL DARREN
OCTOPUS
T: +44 (0) 8453 700 655
M: +44 (0) 7834 895 476

DOUBLE CIPR AWARD WINNERS 2004, 2006
BEST PR COMPANY FINALISTS, CIPR AWARDS 2006 / PR WEEK AWARDS 2006
BEST BUSINESS CAMPAIGN FINALISTS, PR WEEK AWARDS 2006
BEST TECHNOLOGY CAMPAIGN FINALISTS, CNET AWARDS 2006

March 19, 2008

Anthony Minghella, Arthur C Clarke and Captain Birdseye.

Why don't I work for Ladbroke's?

March 19, 2008

Dap, adj
To dip gently into water; to fish with a surface fly

"Do you bloody mind?" hissed Zeds, sharply. "I'm trying to have a gentleman's wash."