JD's World

March 17, 2008

My heart bleeds this afternoon for everybody's favourite half-legged former escort, Heather "Run Of The" Mills.

Heather - who described several photos pictured of her in a "specialist" German magazine naked and American-strength "held open" (as they say in the trade) in the vicinity of a naked man who clearly wasn't very cold as "glamour", as very much against, say, "pornography" - has just been awarded the paltry figure of £24.3 million by a judge as settlement in her divorce from Fab Macca Thumbs Aloft (he says, with a knowing nod to other readers of Smash Hits during the 80s).

Never mind sneering at poor Shannon's mum and her legion of children for daring to be poor and badly educated, let's turn our withering looks instead to a gormless Saudi-serving alleged whore (she's never sued, funnily enough, even though she frequently insisted she would), forced to endure four - count 'em! - years of marriage to an incredibly wealthy man who could well be as tight-fisted as he is rumoured to be, judging that if he had forked out on a decent pair of glasses after Linda's death he would have seen Heather hopping coming a mile off:

* Fourteen - FOUR-RUDDY-TEEN - million as a single lump sum for the Hard-Up Hop-Along Hartlepool Harlot.

* Another £2.5 million to buy "a London property". (Do bordellos cost that much these days? I don't know - That Fancy London, eh?)

* Further "assets" awarded to her of £7.8 million - presumably other "properties" previously owned by Thumbs Aloft before Compulsively Lying Calf Cutaway came along.

* A mere £35,000 a year for baby Beatrice. (You can hear the argument between mother and daughter in later years now, can't you? "You cannae ha' nae mooor monee, like," says Heather. "I'm fookin skeent! Nae fook off gan doon Lundun and ask yer cunt offa fatha!")

* The obligatory "nanny and school fees".

As AJ said a few minutes ago, that was one expensive hooker.

And more expensive than we thought, too, as it appears Thumbs Aloft does not have the rumoured £800+ million sat burning holes in his pockets that we (copyright: all newspapers) thought (and Hoppa did, too - she wanted £125million, as you do), but a mere £400million instead.

Bummer.

Still, at least he's finally got the Millstone from around his neck.

So it's a big Thumbs Aloft to Paul from all his friends at BCUK.

Altogether now:

"Imagine there's no Heather, it's easy if you try..."

March 17, 2008

The Canadian branch of the Dunn family lives in a town called, funnily enough, Dundas, which is about an hour outside of the mining city of Hamilton, itself an hour or so from Toronto.

When the Canuck Dunns go for vacation - and I joined them, twice, in the early 90s, fact fans - they sometimes go "up north" to their "cabin", which was built by hand by my uncle's father-in-law in woods where small bears actually roam, next to a lake where loons can actually be seen in the trees, and where we genuinely did skate across an unbroken surface on a breathtakingly fast catamaran.

Uncle Peter has just sent us a recent picture of the cabin in wintertime.

Darn!

March 17, 2008

Black-eyed snowy goodness right here:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/worldnews.html?in_article_id=536268&in_page_id=1811

March 17, 2008

"It was him, sir," says the snitch, pointing at the five-year-old boy with the ginger hair, in a classroom inadequately led by a nervous stand-in student teacher.

And thus, the youngster fingered by his so-called mate is then grabbed roughly into the arms of a school security guard, carried to the nurse's room, a sample of his DNA extracted and then entered onto a national database, on the grounds he's shown signs of future criminality.

This, chums, is the frightening suggestion that emerged yesterday, amongst various other places here:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2008/mar/16/youthjustice.children

So primary school boys burning ants, or girls pulling hair, may one day be branded potential law-breakers, an excuse to extract and store forever their personal biometric information.

How utterly wrong.

But this is the logical extension to the dangerous, warped thinking of the Big Brother automatons who will drone, repeatedly: "You've nothing to hide if you've done nothing wrong."

This increasingly-wretched and, frankly, crushing disappointment of a Labour Government had a much-repeated mantra about its priorities when it first came to power:

"Education, education, education."

Remember that?

It was essentially the Holy Grail ideal that said improved education gave you an improved society, and that Labour would deliver it.

But having failed spectacularly at keeping that priorities promise - war and the shameless courting of big business have proved far more important to New Labour, under both Blair and Broooon, lest we forget who was the Chancellor for ten years - their message has clearly changed.

"Brand the little bastards troublemakers now and lock them up later."

What a shocking indictment of a failed Labour Government when this is the best it can come up with to combat crime.

There are many exceptions, of course, but the vast amount of crime is not even slightly linked to so-called "abormal" behaviour or early year shades of anti-social characteristics.

No - most crime, almost all crime, is indelibly linked to poverty and the desperation that gorges on it.

Brooon should turn his good eye to this unthinkable Thought Police tactic, toss it to one side, and do what he and his self-serving cackle of fawning acolytes once said they'd set out to do: Tackle social inequality instead.

March 17, 2008

Gymnure, noun
Hairy hedgehog

"Sounds faintly rude, don't you think?" said Nipper.

"Don't be such a prick."