January 11, 2008

Guys,

My post tags (ie on this page, not my profile tags) have shrunk dramatically.

So much so I can't find anything!

Any clues?

January 11, 2008

Redleader and I have just caroused back to Hoylake, hating the world as usual and, in his case in particular, and as usual, the smoking ban.

So let's, I suggested, instead flick onto the new local "talk" radio station that starts soon, and is already broadcasting promos to tantalise would-be listeners to tune in "SOON!".

Now, I've never really liked the idea of working for radio (even though you have a face for it, I hear you cry) but if someone says you might be good at something, hubris takes over. Or it does for me, anyway.

Then I heard about the pedigree of people joining, or at least being lined up to join.

So I decided against it, pretending to myself that not being rejected at the first stage would mean I could be smug when the whole thing failed later.

Fact is, I am smug.

The hoped-for line-up is slightly different from what they've ended up with.

AJ - you're the kind of man who has DAB. Tune into the sheer fucking awfulness that, already, before launch day, is 105.9 CityTalk in Liverpool.

True, it's not actually live yet. But this is what they're trailing to whet potential listeners' appetites.

1) "This. Then. Is DIFFrent RAYdio. New. NEW. A Whole. New Way Of. Doing Things."

2) "I'm not like ANY radio phone-in host! I won't talk over ALL your comments. I won't just sound like the Daily MAIL. I'll listen to YOU. I'll agree, and I'll DISAGREE. And I'm looking FORWARD to it! Are you?" [No.]

3) "I hate it when the seats are left up on the toilet!"

4) "Be. Brave. Let's talk. Immigration."

5) "Fancy a giggle? Fancy it? Do you? Do you fancy it? Do you fancy a giggle? Do you?" [Radio gets punched]

6) "Local, late night and LOUD." [Click]

7) "I'm Dean Sullivan, and I'll-"

8) "But back to me-"

9) "From the world-famous city that brought you the B-"

10) "They just don't get our humo-"

Phew.

Phew.

And phew again.

January 11, 2008

Life's hard; that's true.

But never more so than when you're in the office on a Friday afternoon, with low, grey, muggy clouds looming outside like inflatable Gordon Broooons, the dimmed sun sitting and sulking half-high behind them in a zipped-up parka, and the gas-tanks at half-mast in the distance, slowly but surely yielding to the human rats trying to hook up an illegal feed.

Thank heavens, then, for this rather cheeky 2000 Barolo, from the gentlemen at Azienda San Martino, for making an otherwise hellish Friday afternoon slog just that little bit more civilised.

Now, dear readers, please disperse back to your vending machines.

There is nothing to see here that you'll appreciate as much as I am right now.

January 11, 2008

"AN ARTIST has created a new exhibition of drawings by masturbating over paper, says The Sun today.

"Controversial performance artist Jordan McKenzie, 40, has made 55 images by ejaculating over canvas and sprinkling carbon over the results to immortalise them."

January 11, 2008

Erumpent, adj
Bursting forth

The screech was loud, yet high and low at the same time.

"Jesus! It's an elephant!" said Nipper.

"Er no, just me," said Zeds. "It was fish and egg curry last night."