November 6, 2007
Apparently, according to my fat friend who hasn't had sex for a while (and oh boy, I know it's been ages - hehe), there is a mileage system regarding sex.
So.
It goes like this.
A man's knob is, from the "soft" top, ie. the bit that starts at the hair, as against the bottom bit by, well, the bottom, to his, um, top bit, when everything's "ready", averages around 6.16 inches (and fuck knows who measures these things - probably Paddy, actually, now I think about it. Christ.)
Now, the so-called average shag is about 20 minutes. But if you shag a drunk, for instance, like - hey! - me, that might take a bit longer, especially if I do my usual trick and fall fast asleep.
However.
Only 85% of the knob is used during coitus, would you believe (and yes, I hear a zillion women shouting that it's an entire prick lying on top of them).
But, at an average of 35 ins, and 35 outs, a minute, on a once-a-day basis (on average for a man over a lifetime after the age of 18) - love-making, Fat Boy says, but what the fuck is that? - that means...
...wait for it...
My fat friend's penis has travelled 3,160 miles during his sexual career.
And mine - 12 years his junior, but something of a swordsman in his day, and an absolute slag to boot (and frankly a tad better off down there, if you know what I mean) - a mere 2,661 miles.
You have NO idea how much that is pissing me off.
So.
Um.
I need to catch up.
NB: The chap has a girlfriend who is less than half his age. By his own admission, the most beautiful girl he's ever met. And yes - of course I would 