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Archives for: October 2007, 10

Bonny Bastards

by Juzzzy @ Wednesday, Oct. 10, 2007 - 03:42:14 pm

October 10, 2007

Every year we hold a hateful Bonny Bloody Baby competition, whereby chubby mums in tracksuits, trainers, chewing gum and Regal fags bring their unfortunate offspring down to a local store to have their pictures taken, afterwards they'll then spend £979 worth of benefits on mobile phone credits, dialling up to vote for their own Cabbage Patch Kid to win £20 worth of Mothercare vouchers and as much Licorice Imps as they can eat. Or something.

Today, our man was down there for this Truly Biblical Hellfest of screaming kids and pushy chavanorphic mums.

"What's his name?" he asked one mother.

"Chunks," she said.

"Chunks?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said, blowing a bubble. "Fucking Chunks."

"And, er, your daughter?"

"Me daughter?"

"Your daughter. That one-"

"Bitch."

"Bitch???"

"Yeah."

"Well, that's not very nice..."

"Oh I dunno," she said. "She is a fucking bitch."

Both kids are under the age of three.

At times, you know, living round here is just like Brideshead Revisited.

Knight Fever

by Juzzzy @ Wednesday, Oct. 10, 2007 - 11:24:16 am

October 10, 2007

From today's Mediaguardian:

US broadcaster NBC has confirmed it is to remake 80s drama Knight Rider, which propelled David Hasselhoff to fame, following the success of its "reimagining" of the Bionic Woman.

Ben Silverman, the recently installed co-chairman of NBC Entertainment and the man behind the American version of The Office, announced today that a two-hour broadcast pilot of the new drama would air in the US during the February advertising sweeps next year.

Mr Silverman added that he had decided to bring Knight Rider back following the success of the remake of Bionic Woman, which stars former EastEnders actress Michelle Ryan.

The Bionic Woman's launch two weeks ago gave NBC its best Wednesday night audience in eight years.

"I can announce today that we are bringing back Knight Rider after we looked at how well Bionic Woman did," Mr Silverman told delegates during his keynote speech at the Mipcom TV market in Cannes.

When asked if Hasselhoff would appear in the new version, Mr Silverman laughed and said: "If the market wants it he will be there."

Mr Silverman added that the producers would also be approaching the major car makers to come up with a new version of Kit, the talking Knight Rider car.

"We get to do product placement in the States so we will be in discussions with a number of the key auto groups over who will deliver a new car," he said.

The original Knight Rider ran for four seasons and 90 episodes on NBC between 1982 and 1986.

Hasselhoff starred as Michael Knight, a latter-day knight of the road who fought crime from his talking car, the Knight 2000 or KITT - short for Knight Industries Two Thousand.

Knight Rider was the brainchild of producer Glen Larson, who also created the original Battlestar Galactica in the 70s.

It was revived for a 1991 movie Knight Rider 2000, in which the action was located in a futuristic city and KITT had been replaced by the Knight 4000 vehicle.

A spinoff series, Team Knight Rider, featuring a host of different talking vehicles, aired in the 1997-98 season.

Right, that's it, then.

I need a black car.

Word Of The Day

by Juzzzy @ Wednesday, Oct. 10, 2007 - 09:30:47 am

October 10, 2007

Odorivector, noun
Substance causing odour

"What do you fancy for lunch?" asked Zeds.

"Something different," said Nipper. "Like a cabbage and onion Pot Noodle. With fish sauce."

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