May 18, 2006

I AM: A constant disappointment; desperate for approval.

I WANT: To know serenity.

I WISH: I wasn't afraid of my own shadow.

I MISS: Anya, which makes me hate myself for not missing Joseph, my son, more.

I FEAR: Turning into my father. It's unimaginably horrific, yet every time I have a drink I take another step closer.

I HEAR: My own voice and wonder where the words are coming from.

I WONDER: What it would be like to be bigger (weight).

I REGRET: Everything. I threw it all away.

I AM NOT: Resourceful. But I delegate.

I DANCE: Badly, when pissed.

I SING: Very little. My voice sounds like a scalded cat.

I CRY: Quite easily at the stupidest things, but never in public. And even that only started when M broke my heart (the firrst time it happened - I have lots of experience since), at 21. I guess it never mended.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: Drunk. I just let people think that. It's pathetic, really.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: Nothing. Unless words count?

I WRITE: To entertain. I think I'm quite good at it, but that's not the point. But it's bloody addictive, too.

I CONFUSE: My family. They can't understand why I'm not "settled". Neither can I.

I NEED: Looking after. Not mollycoddled, or mothered - just looked after by someone I look after, too.

I START: Books, but then I get bored. And blogging's easier - instant gratification. IE: Published straight away, little virtual claps on the back a few minutes later.

I FINISH: Drinks.