April 14, 2006

Desuetude \DES-wih-tood, -tyood\, noun:
The cessation of use; discontinuance of practice or custom; disuse.

"Nice day, today, husband," said Mrs Juzzzy, carefully smearing lemon and lime marmalade across her blackened toast. "Nice and sunny."

"Lovely, dear wife," he replied, a soupηon of distrust brimming very near to the surface. "Nice day for... a Good Friday."

"Yes," she said, pouring tea for them both. "Nice day for a spot of gardening, perhaps."

"Yes."

"Or maybe walking the dog."

"Yes."

"Perhaps popping down to The Fishmonger's Grinder for a spot of lunch and a drink or two."

"Yes, definitely."

"With me, I mean."

"Ah..."

"And then we'll come back here, early, and have a gin and tonic in the garden, shall we?"

"Well, I suppose we could..."

"And then we could watch the sun go down together, couldn't we? Me and you together."

"Er, it might be clouding over later..."

"And then, after that, I'll slip into something more comfortable. That would be nice for you, wouldn't it, husband?"

"Erm.."

"Because our sex life has seen something of a desuetude of late, hasn't it, dear?"

Silence.

"Hasn't it, dear?"

More silence.

"Stop reading the paper and answer me, dear."

More silence. Then a thump to the floor.

"And don't think pretending to faint will get you out of this, either."