January 25, 2006

This is mine, by the way. But I fully expect my favourite little kleptomaniac Bells to nick it (well, she is my daughter). And Landers, of course (who isn't).

Ibiza: Because I was 11, and I burned the back of my ankles so badly I got water blisters on them.

Majorca: Because I - *shudders* - thought it would be a great idea to demonstrate my break dancing.

Majorca: Because I met a girl called Mandy, who many, many years later would feature under a blog of mine with the tag "mum" ;)

Halkidiki: Because that was the first time a girlfriend was ever sick over my head.

Paris: Because I went there with my then girlfriend's then best friend *cough*

Canada: Because I actually played up to the "don't you sound like John Lennon" rubbish (which I absolutely don't) - and got away with it.

Canada: Because I met a Scouse girl on the train to Toronto and her blinged up drug-dealer boyfriend, Sonny, who ten days later was luckily incarcerated while I took happy advantage of the fact *more coughs*

Canada: Because my credit card got refused and I had to wake my uncle up at 3.45am to a) pay a restaurant bill and b) rescue me

Phillipines: Because I went skinny dipping in the middle of a late-night lightning storm. It will be probably of no surprise that I was extremely pissed at the time.

Phillipines: Because I found out that a colleague back in the UK had died in a car crash while on her mobile phone to the newsdesk. She worked for The Times.

Gambia: Because I watched crocodiles sleeping on people's steps the way cats sleep on windowsills here.

Gambia: Because a local (English) tour operator tried to get me into bed on the back of a few glasses of almost toxic palm wine. I refused (him).

Florida: Because I persuaded the Disney tour guide to take me underneath the park - and I saw how they empty the bins from underneath the ground and, more cool than anything, Donald Duck with his head off, having a fag

Florida: Because I ended up having a torrid affair with Margaret, then their UK-based PR girl

New York: Because its awesome beauty almost reduced me to a gibbering wreck. We stayed in the Waldorf Astoria, took a helicopter past the Twin Towers out to Liberty Island, and looked down on a real life movie set. Feel tearful now just thinking about it.

Copenhagen: Because one of the press guys I was with had a mental breakdown and ended up in a secure unit. He went from sane to beserk in the space of nine hours.

Copenhagen: Because same madman - who was released to join us on the flight back to London - asked a stewardess in mid-flight: "Is it okay to take a visit to the cockpit?"

Oslo: Because I was caught up in a football riot.

Amsterdam: Because - oh, can't remember, I was far too stoned.

Antwerp: Because when I was about eight, I ate my first pizza.

Amsterdam: Because I was working on a story about surrogacy which helped change things in this country, believe it or not.

Tunisia: Because my mate got the shits. As we were sat in a restaurant. Literally. Also, my first experience of a piscine thermal.

Mexico: Because my (former) stepson flew for the first time.

Thailand: Because of Neil/Nadia and the single most embarrassing moment of my life.

Thailand: Because I left my heart there (with the country), and I'd quite like to go back soon and get it back.