December 29, 2005

You asking?

Something like this, then:

January '05:

1) Back in the UK only six weeks. Jobless, virtually homeless, disorientated, lost. And isolated from almost everyone I know - all my own fault.

2) In absolute disgrace with my parents (in particular). Having had to fly half way round the world to rescue me, I manage to get my father into so much trouble on return (not that he minded, mind, but still) that I'm back in the sinbin.

February '05:

1) What joy. I am on the dole. £56 *whole* pounds a week. *Thinking* I used to pay £900 a month deductions alone.

2) And a letter from the taxman. I *owe* *him* £,6,400, rising by £60 a day. Sound.

March '05:

1) Next door neighbour turns out to be a tax accountant. She's (much) older than me, but we flirt. It's innocent, but I know what I'm doing. And it's not nice.

2) I start working for a v local paper again, courtesy of my best friend. He's putting his neck on the line for me - again - and we both know it.

April '05:

No idea.

May '05:

1) Family matters looking up. Back talking to parents/siblings again.

2) Roasting hot weather. Beer gardens aplenty. Meet up with oldest friend ever.

June '05:

1) Too many beer gardens. Not enough money. Sly phone calls for extra. None returned.

2) Working well. Managing staff well. Managing self appallingly.

3) Assume too much with old friend.

July '05:

1) Wheels come flying off after trying exciting new (version of old) narcotic and go AWOL for 10 days.

2) Friend from Denmark visits (infamous Mikkel). Great to see him - but we're destroyed every day.

August '05:

1) Slowly place the wheels, tentatively, back on track. But my eyesight is poor and my sense of direction a *tad* wayward. If you know what I mean.

2) Sleep with old friend and predictably fall in love. Or something. Never quite sure what I think.

3) Get beaten to within an inch of my life by my so-called friend - and housemate - who then assumes by my calculated response that "it's okay".

4) Develop unhealthy psychosis towards above individual.

September '05:

1) Begin blogging properly. Realise cathartism potential.

2) Realise old friend could be more, if only I wasn't so shite at being.

October '05:

1) Get shudder of fear that I've been back in the UK for a year, and am writing about WI meetings and dog dirt. Enter major panic.

2) Dread quite badly the following month.

November '05:

1) Celebrate November 7 by half-killing myself on Scotch. It is five years since I saw my (step)son. The brackets will always be there for me. His mother will never understand that.

2) Begin blogging like the next day is my last; that my words will dry up if I don't write them now.

December '05:

1) Get oversentimental at Christmas, but nevertheless extraordinarily arsed about the person I think I want to spend if not the rest of my life with, certainly the next best portion. Totally unreciprocated.

2) (Sort of) stop smoking (in that I haven't given up, I just haven't *smoked*)

3) Meet (?) someone new.